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Written by Adam McIlroy.
17 minute read
Article reviewed by Judy Carole, Published Author on May 16, 2025.
As we grow older, or support someone we love through their later years, it’s natural to start thinking about our wishes for the end of life. We might find ourselves thinking about what to include in our will, who we’d like to leave things to, who should take care of everything when the time comes, and the kind of funeral that would feel right.
This topic is rather eclectic and can encompass all areas of our lives, from our cultural and religious perspectives, our financial matters, and our health preferences. We want to offer this end-of-life wishes guide, to help you gain a clear overview of the subject, should you be in the position of needing to put your plan into action, or to help a loved one with theirs.
Key takeaways:
End-of-life wishes are a series of different intentions that we may have for all kinds of matters both in the years before we die, and beyond our death. For instance, we may have views that we want to record and to have taken into account regarding health choices, such as Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) Orders, or which relate to the Mental Capacity Act. When going through end-of-life planning, health matters are often uppermost in our minds.
Other concerns of ours could relate to our estate and financial matters. We may want to choose an executor for our will from among our friends and family (or perhaps a trusted solicitor), which might make our family’s life easier when it comes to applying for probate with our will.
It should also be said that the importance of writing a will often eases the pressure on those we leave behind. Without one, handling an estate can become a complicated and emotionally draining process for loved ones at an already difficult time.
In the same way, sharing our funeral wishes can also offer comfort. Leaving behind even a simple sense of what we’d want gives those closest to us the chance to honour us in a way that feels right. When they’re navigating how to deal with their grief and finding their footing, knowing our preferences can bring reassurance and peace.
Taking time to think about your end-of-life wishes — and making sure the right people know them — can make a meaningful difference. It helps ensure your personal choices are respected, eases some of the emotional strain on those you care about, and brings peace of mind for both you and your loved ones.
By setting out your end-of-life wishes in advance of your death, you have the greatest chance of ensuring that your personal preferences are respected. What kind of funeral do you envisage having? Do you want to leave any of your estate to charity? If so, which one(s)? How will people know any of what you want — how will it ever come to pass — if you don’t set it down in a document somewhere, or impart it to someone you trust. Getting to this point may require talking about death and dying with your closest loved ones, which can be very difficult. But it can also be highly rewarding.
Instead of taking a chance that your family understands your beliefs on death and funerals, giving them a clear indication of your preferences will remove any ambiguity. The same goes for your health wishes, should you face a situation where you have lost your mental capacity and you have authorised them to act on your behalf by setting up a Power of Attorney. Make sure to write down your preferences in brief, clear, unambiguous language for the avoidance of all doubt about your preferences.
By showing that you are thinking in advance about this, you can help your family and friends to feel that things are in hand and that they won’t have to guess at some highly consequential decisions on your behalf without running them by you first. This can seriously reduce the emotional pressure that your nearest and dearest might be feeling when you die. If on top of struggling to cope with the death of a parent, for instance, they are also anxious about second guessing your funeral wishes, your position on organ donation, or how you would have distributed your estate, it can make a bad situation worse.
Having a funeral plan in place ahead of time means that your funeral preferences (e.g., cremation vs burial, attended vs unattended) are already specified and, perhaps more importantly, paid for. Not only can this help them to breathe a sigh of relief, it can also avoid the possibility of disputes arising and conflict occurring within your family.
By setting out your end-of-life wishes ahead of time, you can lift a weight from your family’s shoulders — both in your later years, when your health or mental capacity might change, and after you’ve passed away.
It also brings a sense of reassurance for you. Knowing that everything is in place means your loved ones won’t be left making difficult decisions or dealing with practical matters without guidance.
End-of-life wishes look different for everyone, but there are some elements which are common to virtually everyone. These might be wishes in relation to medical care and treatment preferences; personal and emotional requests; and funeral and memorial service instructions, to name a few.
Whilst it may not be the easiest thing to think about, it can be very important to reflect on our healthcare and treatment preferences in advance. We may all face a time where, through an accident, sudden health problem, or the gradual onset of cognitive decline, we lose mental capacity to decide for ourselves. This is something commonly encountered through dementia and end of life, but there are other health matters to consider, too. For instance, should it be necessary, would you want to be resuscitated, or would you rather issue a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) Order? If you’ve never thought about this before, it might seem overwhelmingly obvious that you would want to be, but there are good reasons for opting against it too. You may also wish to think about your palliative care preferences, and to compose an advance care plan, declaring your general healthcare and pain management preferences and wishes.
Beyond your immediate preferences for whether or not to refuse certain kinds of treatment, like resuscitation or blood transfusion, you might want to think about more general matters which are important to you. For instance, whether you would prefer to be cared for at home, or in a hospital; whether you’d like to sleep with the light on, and what kind of music you like to listen to, if any.
You can also write personal messages and letters to those who love you, and who have meant a lot to you in your life. This can make it easier for them when they are remembering a loved one long into the future.
You may also want to think ahead about what kind of funeral you would like. Give some thought to the music you might want, for instance from among the best funeral songs, or the most popular UK funeral hymns. Your family will be able to work alongside a funeral director of your choice to design and theme a funeral ceremony that really brings your personality to life.
You can specify in advance from what texts you’d like readings to be given, whether from religious material, or simply from stories about death. You can also think about who you would like to give a eulogy.
Funeral planning is one part of end-of-life preparation that’s often left until later, but it can involve more decisions than many people expect. It may include choosing the type of funeral, outlining any specific wishes for the day, and making financial arrangements where possible. Setting these details out in advance can help reduce the number of decisions left to loved ones at what may be an already difficult time.
Considering the type of funeral that you want is a more complicated matter than it might at first seem. For you, it may not be simply a choice between a direct cremation and a burial. You may also be thinking about alternative funerals, such as burial at sea, or green burial.
Considering in advance whether and what kind of end-of-life celebration or funeral wake you might want to happen after your funeral has occurred. Communicate clearly to your loved ones any ideas you have for format and theme. It’s your last chance to make a statement based on your preferences, beliefs and passions.
When planning what kind of funeral we want, it’s important to think about specific elements of the theme and subject matter you might want to be covered. Consider whether you’d want mourners to be there, and if so, whether a funeral celebrant should be there to lead a personalised service.
When thinking about planning our funeral, one of the first things we wonder is how to pay for a funeral. There are a number of different ways, from over-50s life insurance, to directly out of the estate with savings, to potentially claiming funeral costs from the state.
A popular way of prepaying for a funeral is to consider a prepaid funeral plan. When you buy one of Aura’s funeral plans, we place what’s needed to cover the cost of your funeral into our secure, independently managed trust. The trust protects it from the potential impact of inflation through the years, and from the rising cost of funerals.
Today, funeral prices are rising; according to the latest SunLife, in the last 21 years, funeral prices have risen by 134%. The average price of a funeral in the UK last year was £4,285. In comparison, our direct cremation funeral plans are available from £1,695, which is less than half the price. If you do opt for something like a funeral plan, it’s important to notify the executors of your will so that they know your funeral has already been paid for.
Our brochure includes all the details you need surrounding our prepaid direct cremation funeral plans.
Get your free brochure sent by email or First Class post by clicking on the link below.
There are many gentle and thoughtful ways to record your end-of-life wishes — whether that’s writing them down, having open conversations with loved ones or carers, or simply taking time now and then to review and update what feels right for you. Each step can help make things a little clearer and easier for those who care about you.
There are a number of templates and guides online that you can use to make sure that you cover everything important. There are all kinds of different elements to consider, including administrative, logistical, emotional and financial. For sorting out your funeral, you can use our funeral preplanning checklist, but that’s just one element of funeral planning.
In general, the important principles for writing down your end-of-life wishes are to use clear, brief, unambiguous language, which will help avoid conflict after you’re gone among your family; to store the document somewhere safe; and to tell your family where your end-of-life wishes guide is.
Many people find it productive to discuss their end-of-life wishes with their family in advance of their death. This can help people to say goodbye, if the end is drawing near. It can also allow them to make their peace with your wishes, if they differ from what theirs would be, or if they disagree with your perspective. You will need to rely on your loved ones to put your wishes into practice, so it is important that they are on board with what they are and why they are important to you.
Depending on whether you have important healthcare preferences which you need to explain, it can also be important to you in life to convey your wishes to your family ahead of time.
Naturally, with the passage of time, your preferences and plans may change. For that reason, it’s important to review your end-of-life wishes guide periodically to make sure that it still meets with your preferences. Of course, financial matters, such as what you might want to leave to whom in your will, could change with the fluctuation of your assets. Similarly, you may well change your mind about your funeral preferences too.
When sharing your end-of-life wishes with family, there may be some practical and legal steps worth thinking about. These might include things like advance care planning, financial planning, how you’d like your assets to be shared, and making sure important documents can be easily accessed in an emergency. Taking care of these details can help your loved ones feel more supported and prepared.
It’s all very well writing down your end-of-life wishes on a piece of paper and keeping it safe at home, but this may not have the force of law. For that, you will need to sign some legal documents, perhaps in the presence of witnesses. Seek the advice of your solicitor before writing a will if you are concerned about whether or not it is legally binding. There are online will-writing services too, which are reasonably economical.
Similarly, for your health wishes, if you want them to have the force of law, you will need to issue what’s called an Advance Directive to Refuse Treatment. This document, aside from allowing you the chance to set out some general preferences about how you’d like to be cared for, also allows you to refuse in advance specific forms of treatment. These forms of treatment could be things like resuscitation, a blood transfusion, or whether or not you would wish to be kept on life support if unresponsive.
You might find that it is productive to integrate all aspects of end-of-life planning together, including the matter of your estate. In order for your wishes about your estate to be legally binding, it will need to be signed in the presence of two witnesses. If you want to make sure that the language you use is clear and unambiguous, you can seek help in drafting your will from a solicitor, although this will be more expensive than using a self-led writing template.
In general, it’s a proactive and considerate measure to resolve any inconsistencies in your estate ahead of time: give a full account of your assets, pay off any debts that may be outstanding, and make sure that you have paid all taxes due. When your executor comes to distribute your estate, one of their jobs will be to provide a final account of your total assets for inheritance tax purposes. Whilst it is possible to find lost or dormant assets belonging to someone else, such as a recently deceased loved one, it can be a frustrating and difficult endeavour. You can make life much easier for your family in advance by helping them to establish everything in advance.
Your important (and potentially legally binding documents) can be secured with your solicitor at their office, or at home in a lockbox. Notify the relevant family members where to find them. You can also leave a copy with trusted family members.
Digital solutions can be leveraged. You can store such information in the cloud, or on a secure device or drive. Remember to make sure that your family has copies of the access credentials, such as email addresses and passwords.
Here are some common questions about making and following an end of life wishes guide.
It’s never too early to start putting things in place for the end of your life. If you are keen to plan your own funeral in advance, the earlier that it is paid for, the better. When you buy one of Aura’s funeral plans, you are locking in today’s prices. For instance, our direct cremation plans are available today from £1,695. Even if it’s not activated for many years, that’s all you would ever need to pay. It means your family will have total peace of mind that they won’t have to come up with the money themselves, or to guess at what you would have wanted them to do. And, in the end, plans can always be updated if your preferences or circumstances change.
It depends on the wish. For matters like how many pillows you like to sleep with or what your favourite radio station is, if you put it in an Advance Care plan for the NHS, they can refer to it to know how to make you comfortable. However, they are not legally obliged to switch to Radio 2! Instead, such wishes are merely advisory.
Legally binding documents, such as assigning Power of Attorney, stating your last will and testament, or refusing certain medical treatments, may need to be formally witnessed or confirmed by a legal professional. If you’re ever unsure about how to make sure your wishes are valid and recognised under the law, it’s always best to speak to a solicitor.
The best way to ensure that your wishes are followed when the time comes, whether regarding your estate, or your health needs, is to be crystal clear about what you want. If you are writing your end of life wishes down, make sure that you use clear, simple language that can’t be interpreted in multiple ways. You may also wish to make sure that you select executors for your will who you can trust. If you can be sure that they would want to see your wishes through and that they would represent your best interests, then they might make good executors.
Aura, as the top-rated provider of ‘Cremation Services’ on Trustpilot, with a score of 4.9/5 stars, proudly offers you its prepaid funeral plans. We have attended and unattended options to choose from, starting at £1,695, which is less than half of the national traditional average of £4,285, according to SunLife. If you’d like to learn more about how our wonderful team can help you to secure peace of mind for yourself, and your family, why not download one of our funeral-plan brochures today?
Our brochure includes all the details you need surrounding our prepaid direct cremation funeral plans.
Get your free brochure sent by email or First Class post by clicking on the link below.